I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
He shit in the fireplace
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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