You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
