Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
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