I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
