So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
That accounts for only three of the penises
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Randomize
