If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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