its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Randomize
