he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
