Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Randomize
