Pregnant stripper...not hot.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
Randomize
