Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize
