getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
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