I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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