ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Randomize
