I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
