dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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