meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
