i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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