Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
