I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
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