That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
