Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
Say something about gay babies.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Randomize
