My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
