Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
he had hair everywhere except his balls
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
