found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
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