she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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