His hands were made for my vagina.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
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