How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
