Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
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