God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
