Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
