I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
