my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
