Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
