I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
