i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
