I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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