I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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