pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
I made him laugh his dick is mine
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
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