The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
