if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
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