To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
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