my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
