My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
