Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
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