I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
