I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
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