you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
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