Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
