It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
I want to make a zoo with you.
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Randomize
