Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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