we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
