there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
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