I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Randomize
