I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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