I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
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