She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
Randomize
